It is possibly being in the desert-southwest...  I'm used to snow and crisp cold fall/winter mornings.  While it is cool in the mornings in Arizona, there is no comparison to the weather I'm used to.  At home, a jacket is needed when one leaves their home.  I can wear a jacket, but choose a sweater on most mornings when I bring B~ to school. 

I'm noticing wreaths and decorated houses more often, but I still don't get that happy feeling I used to. I find it disheartening.  B~ doesn't seem to notice anything Christmas related.  If he does he makes a contemptible comment.  His birthday is four days before the holiday.  He is more interested in celebrating himself than he is Christmas. 

Could it be I am longing for something more?  Children to spoil and enjoy?  Possibly.  I love watching my nieces and nephew opening presents that I have purchased for them.  I love children and am feeling the void of not being a mother.  (My biological clock stopped ticking a while ago, it is now clanging.) 

We aren't going to have a tree or any Christmas decorations...we simply don't have the funds for something that extravagant.  I will probably get some candles and a string of white lights.  I have always had a fondness for white lights. 

Being so far away from my family and friends is making this season harder for me as well.  We are spending Thanksgiving with a new friend, J~ and his family who are flying in from California.  Actually, they are probably here.  I think they were supposed to fly in yesterday.  I'm looking forward to a family Thanksgiving, even if it isn't my own family.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, normally.  I'm sad because I can't see my own family. 

I am going to spend some time baking tomorrow night.  I just love cooking for 'turkey day.'  I will probably make some chocolate cheesecake brownies.  I just can't do the pie thing.  My crusts never come out well.